


Each Time

by ellievate



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Bruce is trying to be a good dad, Emotional Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-12-06 22:05:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18226004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellievate/pseuds/ellievate
Summary: Based on a headcanon by theforgottendaydreamer on TumblrEver since Bruce had gotten Jason back the fear of losing him once more was something that never left him. Each time he saw Jason fall in battle, each time he collapsed out of exhaustion the fear that he was losing him once more took such a strong hold on him that it was nearly overwhelming. But he wouldn't let that happen again. He couldn't lose his son again. He wouldn't let it happen, even if it killed him.





	Each Time

Every time since. Every time since that day that Jason had come back he’d been worried he’d lose him again. That he would fail him once more and that it’d cost his son his life. Again.

Bruce’s fear was so strong and all-encompassing that each time he saw Jason take a moment, even to catch his breath, where his eyes fluttered shut and his body relaxed ever so slightly from the tenseness it often had in his presence he felt that fear grip him once again. 

It was possible he knew, however unlikely with Jason’s skills but still  _ possible, _ that he could lose Jason. He could lose any of his children so easily, and he nearly had lost them all in one way or another. 

Bruce was a planner. He had a plan for almost every situation you could think of no matter how plausible but....he couldn’t ever seem to plan for the loss of his children. Again and again and again he fell short in being there when he was needed. 

By god it hurt. Seeing Jason down after a particularly nasty night out, seeing him crumple to the grown after someone had managed to get a proper hit on  _ his _ boy.

But the worst, oh but the worst, was when it was Bruce that was hurting him. Whenever he would get into it with Jason once more, both of their tempers rising and inhibitions flying out the window. Especially when it came to blows. Most times he couldn’t ever place who’d swung first, choosing to ignore it in the aftermath. 

_Oh, but he knew. He knew that it wasn’t always Jason swinging first, that in his own blind anger he had swung first on his son, a criminal in his eyes yes but still his_ _son._

And oh god how that hurt more than anything else he could think of. Because he wasn’t like Jason when it came down to it, a boy forsaken and betrayed by someone he’d loved like a father. Still loved even though neither could admit it. 

Because if it came down to it that in the end, Bruce was the one to bring Jason’s final end, his second downfall. There would be no one to blame. Only himself.

He always blamed himself, as much as others would attempt to pass the blame onto another. But then there would be no one to pass the blame to, and he’d accept it. Bury himself with Jason that time, for he knew he couldn’t take losing his son a second time. 

Each time he thought of that possibility he’d think the same thing. 

_ It’s my fault. I killed him again. _

Each time he would see Jason falter behind him, hands pressing against a wound, each time he’d see Jason collapse in exhaustion after a mission, a tired sigh passing his lips. 

_ If I had noticed it sooner.  _

And each time he would stand beside Jason, his boy who had grown into a man without him even knowing, his son who despite their differences he still loved wholeheartedly he’d think to himself. 

_ I can’t lose him again. _

And as he looked towards Jason, he knew he’d do his best to keep that from happening, same as he would all his children. Until his dying breath. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr @ellievate


End file.
